I Know, I ain't good enough

firstly, why I write a title like that because I deeply know my self that " I ain't good enough in English " who can doubt it? LoL.
So i try to improve my english by writing blog with English. i know this will be hard for me, as you know maybe i look like "good" in english but i'm not that good (low self confidence).
I hate looking in a mirror when i speak english, terrible!
I have had someone who has expert abbility in english, he's my idol (seriously).
he got 550 on TOEFL, AMAZING!

and this's me with.. uuuhhh... small abbility and just have a confidence try to write a topic. aaarrgghhh... don't you know, maybe this isn't hard but when i remember a blog -a girl's blog and she writes her blog in english and she's good enough I feel low again- my friend have told us on the twitter that her language is good enough and he asked her why she doesn't apply a scolarship? and wondering since when she has good english like that.
honestly, that's envy me! why.. why always her??
and back to the reality that I AIN'T GOOD ENOUGH IN ENGLISH.
I feel shame when wanna talk with him in english. LoL
seriously, i've tried when we walk together and he asks me in english, i can answer it with "uumm" in every word I said. so, i think i'm a passive. hhmmm....

HIYAHAHAHAHAHA...
look! I'm pessimist! now i'm on THE BEST UNIVERSITY in Indonesia with word "INDONESIA" in it. hahaha.. How i proud mention it :P
but, my abbility in english?? aaaarrgghhh~ panic, yes i'm panic! how can I stand and survive on this campus with this mean yeeaaahhh~ mean closely rare ability! HOW CAN I?
I know, some of my friends have worse english than me, but I DON'T WANNA BE LIKE THEM!!
Oh GOD! i see around me and realize that my friends have better english.

huwwooooowww... i think enough, enough to blame my self about my suck abbility on english. hahahaha.. that's why that's why i don't wanna use english in my blog. because i ain't confident enough with my english. hehe

keep the spirit ON


-XO valda XO-